Phoenix Borne
by Jenny-Cat-Miaow
Summary: Severus was not a cruel man, but that did not mean he was kind. Because sometimes, the heart wants what the brain can't provide, and the brain knows things that the heart won't abide to.


**Prologue**

Severus Snape did not like Harry Potter, but at the same time, he did not dislike him.

It was difficult to hate the child of his best friend, the child of his first love, but unsurprisingly, it was also difficult to like the spawn of his enemy.

Ten years he had gone with barely a thought spared for the Potter heir. Ten years of life filled with teaching children, a task that became more and more irritating as the pupils got smaller and the age gap widened, until he was left with nothing but idiotic brats that held no appreciation whatsoever for the art of potion making.

Then, when the eleventh year came, he was forcibly reminded of Harry Potter – _Lily's child_ – as the entire Wizarding World crooned at The-Boy-Who-Lived attending Hogwarts. _What was he like? Where had he been? Were those stories true? Had he_ really _been fighting a dragon in the mountains?_ Absolute nonsense which made Severus grit his teeth. He ignored it all. He refused to have his judgement influenced before he had even met the boy. He knew the child lived with his aunt, and in all honesty part of him worried over how he may have grown up under the bitter care of Petunia.

When September arrived, Severus was more nervous and eager than he would care to admit. The first years were never of much interest to him, lest they became Slytherins, but this year he scanned the faces and easily picked out Potter from the crowd. Messy black hair and unsightly glasses – it was difficult to miss the resemblance.

He saw the nervousness as his name was called, and felt a pang as the look reminded him of Lily's sorting. When the hat remained still for almost four minutes, he allowed himself to hope that the boy might be sorted into Slytherin, just as he had hoped Lily would be so long ago. Disappointment returned when the Sorting Hat shouted Gryffindor, but he still told himself not to judge. He watched as Potter looked over the staff table and found his gaze, and when his hand went to his scar Severus turned and found Quirrell.

The first lesson came, and Snape finally gave his judgement. The boy was completely unprepared for the material, insultingly inattentive to his lesson, and even had the audacity to talk back to him. In short, he was arrogant, lazy, and disgracefully inept at Potions, _just like his father_.

Severus wasn't unjust though, and only took one point. He knew most brats were equally as unprepared to their first classes, no matter unacceptable that was. He would give the boy another chance to prove himself.

That, of course, led to Potter getting onto the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. Typical Potter behaviour, being _rewarded_ for breaking the rules. He resolved to take off _every single undeserved point_ from Golden-Boy Potter.

And that he did.

Every time Potter dared to even put a _toe_ out of line, he gleefully subtracted points. Every single instance where the boy dared to show disrespect, and refused to show _competence_ at Potions, he lowered Gryffindor's standing for the House Cup. Not that it made any difference in the end, given how Dumbledore had a habit of rewarding all the points right back, _with added interest._ This naturally did nothing to endear Potter to him, nor him to Potter.

Soon, this settled into a pattern for the coming years. Potter would be rewarded for being a Gryffindor, Severus would take off the offending points, Potter would _cheek_ him with _"Why don't you ask her?"_ and _"There's no need to call me_ sir _, professor,"_ and Severus would _still_ rush to save him from whatever foolish stunt he'd pull at the end of the year. Because promises notwithstanding, Potter was still a student and he was not letting any child under his care come to harm.

He may hate the boy's father, but no pupil of his was going to die from their own arrogance.

Except, apparently, he was fated die.

The burning rage that shot through him when he found out suffocated him. The fact that he spent years of his life ensuring the boy lived just so he could _die at the right moment_ was maddening, and then for Albus to even _insinuate-_

It may have been easy to see a child at first. But then as the years passed and the boy grew, as his jaws squared and all softness that bespoke of Lily disappeared, it became harder not to see just _Potter_ staring back at him. He wasn't blind, Severus knew the boy was not James Potter – he'd be the last to say that the sins of the father fell to the children – but that belief became increasingly difficult to uphold to the older the boy grew, until all he could see was his enemy taunting him from beyond the grave. Then, the boy would shift and the glare would be lifted from his glasses, leaving Lily's eyes staring back at him, and his anger would melt, until the boy moved again and Lily was gone.

So no, Severus Snape did not like Harry Potter, but he could not hate him either.

In the end, it was still only his promise to Lily that would cause him to go so far for this child, and nothing Albus Dumbledore said would change that. He would kill, he would maim, he could have the whole world turn against him, and he would die but only because it was for Lily. Only for the woman whose friendship he had lost through his own doing. The only girl who had every cared about him.

And so he spied on the Dark Lord. So he killed Albus Dumbledore. And so he watched as the Carrows tortured and his colleagues plotted.

So he would aid Potter and send him to his death.

The Battle of Hogwarts. He'd halted at Potter's accusations, hesitated as Minerva drew her wand on him, and fled when the school followed.

He deflected curses at Death Eaters and scoured the castle and grounds for Potter, with no luck. When the Dark Lord called for him, it took all his will to turn towards the shack, forcing himself to comply until he could find Harry Potter.

The Dark Lord spoke of the Elder Wand, and Severus knew his time was up.

He still tried. He begged to be allowed to find Potter. But he'd already failed.

Clutching at his wounded neck, he tried desperately to find grasp on his dropped wand. He needed to contact Potter, needed to tell him, and if only he could _find his wand-_

He wasn't sure if his mind had finally lost it when he felt hands come to rest on his, but Lily's eyes were unmistakable. He would have laughed if he could. Trust Potter to be ten feet from the Dark Lord and still survive.

He grasped Potters robes, drawing him closer.

"Take… it… Take… it…"

Potter just stared at him for a second too long, enough for Severus to panic that he hadn't understood, but then a flask was thrust into his hands.

 _Ah, Granger saves the day as usual._

Now that his job was done, he relaxed. Drained of the terror that previously seized him, he became aware of just how uncomfortably _close_ Potter was. Pained muscles twitched as he almost sneered, but then Potter moved and the reflection of windows were gone and he started to become painfully aware of just how short a time he had left before oblivion and-

 _Oh, for Merlin's sake, you are not-_

"Look… at… me…" his voice rasped, entirely of its own volition, and thus he both cursed and rejoiced when the emerald green eyes found his and darkness clouded his vision.

 _Well, Severus, you give the impression of hidden desires for Potter._

Thank Heaven he won't survive to suffer that embarrassment.

* * *

He blinked, trying to clear his vision of the brightness. Somehow, he never expected death to be so white, though truthfully it's not like he expected it to be black either. Logically he's assume it to be nothing, but that brings on the question – what is nothing? Darkness, which is devoid of everything including light, which can only be created by inclusion of all matter? Light, which has all matter removed but in fact consists of everything? Neither were the answer, yet both were the truth. An interesting paradox. Given the circumstances though, it seemed that white was the answer in this case.

"Severus,"

A voice, warm and welcoming. A voice which he had not heard in a year.

He turned. He felt he should sneer, but instead he just sighed. "Albus," he acknowledged.

Blue robes swished as Albus Dumbledore came closer. It was an annoying periwinkle that oddly matched his eyes and _why did he even notice that._ All Potter's fault, no doubt. Severus Snape sneered. He really wished his brain had not noticed that detail. He also wished the robes would stop sprouting flowers at irregular intervals.

"Ah, Severus, how are you feeling my boy?" inquired Albus, cheerfully ignoring the burning glare directed at his newest choice of robes.

"I feel surprisingly well, given my recent demise," was his response. "Why precisely are you here?"

Blue eyes twinkled. "Why, Severus, I am here to offer you a choice. You see, the afterlife is a bit full at the moment-"

"This isn't the afterlife?" Severus injected sharply. He was happily ignored.

"-so instead, you may go back. Return to the land of the living. Or, of course, you can board onto this lovely train and embark on a great adventure. Although, there is currently a backlog – more paperwork than even Hogwarts produced! – so you would be bored for really quite a while before you got through. Not fun, I assure you. I'd advise against that choice. So! What is your decision my boy?"

"What?" was Severus' first coherent response, though it took hardly a second more for his brain to catch up. "Am I the only being offered this choice?"

"Well, I have just come from offering Harry the same – he went back if you are interested – but otherwise, yes, you are,"

"Potter is _dead?_ " But he was just-

"Time works differently here Severus, or perhaps it's more accurate to say that time does not work at all here. In fact, I recently spoke to Medea of Colchis – charming young lady – and-"

"Medea?" Severus choked out. " _Charming?_ "

"Yes. So horribly misunderstood. Poor girl. But as I was saying Severus-"

" _Headmaster_ , is there any particular reason why you are so talkative to- at this precise moment?" Snape bit out.

"Oh, no, I was simply written this way. Beautiful script. Death can get bored sometimes."

 _Did he mean death is boring, or-_

"Come, Severus, you do not have long. You must choose!"

Snape pursed his lips. "I have no desire to continue teaching children," he stated.

"You have an entire life ahead of you my boy. With Tom gone, you can do whatever you like!" was Dumbledore's cheerful response. Severus pinched his nose and sighed.

"Fine, send me back. Whatever it takes to be rid of your incessant yattering."

"Fantastic! It appears she was right, I simply can't allow them the time to think,"

This time, Snape did not even have the time to contemplate what Dumbledore might have meant, before he found his vision failing again.

"Enjoy life Severus!" was the last thing he heard, but then he realized-

 _Wait, no, I want to see Lily._


End file.
